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<title>What The Sun Saw by obsessions123</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829475">What The Sun Saw</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessions123/pseuds/obsessions123'>obsessions123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Core Project [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cold, Cold Weather, Death, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Sad, Sad Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:14:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessions123/pseuds/obsessions123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A short story about what lack of emotion can do to a person.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Core Project [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What The Sun Saw</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He sat outside by himself, shivering.  His lips were turning blue and it had been a while since he had been able to feel his fingers.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t think to put a coat on before he sat in the snow.  His lower half was soaked from the snow melting from his warm body, but it was now beginning to turn to ice as he had been out there for too long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t open his eyes.  Not because the sun was shining brightly and reflecting off the snow, making the world even brighter, too bright for his pupils, but because his tears that he had tried to keep trapped behind his lids had frozen his eyes shut.  He could feel himself losing </span>
</p><p>
  <span>consciousness as his heart rate slowed.  Still, he was determined to not let himself feel anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feelings and emotions made people look crazy.  His sister was very emotional and he thought that with every happy, sad, or angry tear she shed, she was less of a person.  He didn’t really care though.  He only cared not to care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was temporary to him.  That’s why he didn’t worry about the lack of heat the bright sun gave off right now.  Right now he was just sitting outside, trying to push away the rejection once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every girl he had ever dated had left him because he was “emotionally unavailable.”  He never cared that much because obviously that was their problem, not his.  But now, he’s almost 50 and living alone.  He had at one point imagined a wife and kids but, oh well.  Who cares?  Not him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it didn’t matter, things happen, he can’t control them so what’s the point in worrying about literally anything.  He goes to his job as a computer engineer, comes home, plays video games then goes to bed. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And what makes them think he is emotionally unavailable?  He gets excited all the time about his games.  He gets angry a lot because the internet connection is shit, but he can’t do anything about it unless he wants to move to a new area.  Annoyed is an emotion, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, whatever.  Nothing really mattered.  Life was just a way to pass the time until there is no longer life.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His sister had the opposite idea though.  She was an English major, got her Doctorate in film studies and is now an oscar winning director.  He would think back to when they were younger and she was still an undergrad.  She spent so much time watching movies and talking about how she was excited to do her homework.  Who the fuck gets excited to do homework?  She always said it's because she was headed in the right direction and if you aren’t happy you need to rethink your choices.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t go back on his choices though.  He can’t remember a time he was happy.  Was he ever happy?  It’s too late so why bother trying to do anything else.  Oh well.  He didn’t feel like he had wasted his life on his phone or behind his computer screen yelling at his friends for having cheated.  He didn’t feel like he wasted his life making himself feel nothing.  Guys feel less anyways so it isn’t even his fault.  He is a guy and that is why he can get away with it all.  He got away with being mean to his brother and sister for so long because he was the youngest.  He was mom’s favorite and mom was very cold and analytical too, just like him.  That’s why his sister didn’t really like their mom, because she was emotionally unavailable.  The only time she used emotions was to make his sister feel guilty for opening up to her dad because at least dad knew how to empathize with people.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mom always picked his side.  She saw so much in him, even when there wasn’t really ever anything.  He didn’t even care when he kept his sister up all night yelling as he played video games when she was trying to sleep because she had class in the morning.  It’s not his fault though, he was going to finish the game and then get off, but then she came in and demanded he get off so she could sleep, so he kept playing out of spite.  Is spite an emotion?  It wasn’t his fault though.  Nothing ever is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He and his sister got along when he was much younger.  She even called him her best friend.  When he started getting older and stayed in his room more, she started acting cold towards him.  He didn’t really care though, whatever was going on was her problem, not his.  Nothing is ever his problem.  One day though she had said that she wished he had felt remorse for the things he did that she thought was mean.  Like when she had texted him and their brother and said she loved them.  Their brother texted back but he never did.  He didn’t think he had to say anything for them to know he loved them.  Still, she doubted he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t really get it.  Why does she think emotions are so important?  Why is it necessary to feel?  He thinks it’s just a waste of time.  Even thinking this much about </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling </span>
  </em>
  <span>makes him annoyed.  Annoyed is an emotion, right?  Nothing really matters.  There is nothing that has a point or purpose.  We all die anyway so what is the point in doing anything?  You are born and then you die.  That’s it.  There is no in between.  Death is inevitable, so why bother?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s really cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t shivering anymore.  He felt really tired and decided to lay in the snow rather than just sit in it.  He was more comfortable, his body didn’t have to work as hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all temporary so why waste your time with anything.  He would go inside soon.  This cold was temporary. Who cares? </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He died in the snow that day.  It was too cold to be out in the snow and wearing what little he had on.  He was too stubborn to go inside.  Is stubborn an emotion?  If it is then he wasn’t stubborn, he just didn’t care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What a life to have lived.  One filled with no sadness and hardly any anger.  He didn’t know greed or disgust or even fear.  One filled with no joy or excitement, love or happiness.  What a life to have not lived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t make it to heaven or hell, he was caught in between; in a temporary state forever, exactly where he’d wanted to be, numb.  But he didn’t care that he was there either, it was whatever.  </span>
</p>
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